When did I grow up?

*Disclaimer: I am writing this blog from my iPod, avoiding studying, so ignore the plethora of misspelled words and grammatical errors!

After spending a week in my hometown with my family I find myself reflecting on a lot of things. It's crazy to think that 4 years ago I was trying to prepare myself for a move to College Station and for all the changes that would accompany this move. College seemed so strange and distant from the small town life I lived. College was a new beginning which would provide freedom from the gossip and harshness of high school drama. I chose my college without visiting the school. I had been a few times as a child but for some reason hearing my older brother say that I should go to A&M solidified my choice. I knew that living four hours from home would be different but I desperately yearned for independence and freedom from the chains i had in Rockport.

This time around things are so different. I have absolutely loved my four years at A&M and thank God every day that He brought me here. I don't want to leave and even better I have nothing to run from. Dallas is now the destination and it scared the bajebees outta me! Never have I been on my own in a big city but if I have learned anything in four years it's that you have to take yourself out of your comfort zone.

Sitting at home this past week made me realize how much I have grown in four years. God has provided me with such a nurturing group of friends. Having solidified my life in Christ has allowed me to become a true woman. I cant pinpoint the day it happened but sometime, somewhere over the past four years I became an adult.

I am still learning and growing every day. The process is never ceasing but constantly refreshing.

Armor of God

We live in a world that focuses on the bad. Destruction. War. Famine. Genocide. Drugs. Violence. Uproar. Hostility. Hate. Prejudice. Stupidity. Devastation. Disasters. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Suicide. Apathy. Greed. Gluttony. Lust. Lies. Deceit. Pessimism. Darkness. Idols. Masks. The list goes on...

Yet, rarely when we speak of these things do we look to "blame the devil". Why? Because it sounds crazy, doesn't it? It's a scapegoat, right? I mean come on it's the year 2011 not 1804. We can just blame the problems of the world on this "devil" guy.

Today I realized something. I realized that I was being tricked by the devil's lies. It probably sounds crazy. Like I am about to start ranting about exorcisms and witches and demons, which [by the way] I have witnessed. (But that's a different story).

I'm talking about the spiritual side of the devil. The side that whispers to you when no one else is around. The one that fills your head with the idea that everyone is out to get you. Everyone is against you. And you, well, you're just alone.

What does the devil tell me on a regular basis?

1] I'm alone. This is his strongest and most powerful lie. He uses it against me every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. [Yes, it gets old, but why change something when it's working, right?]

2] People are against me. Those whispers are always about you. That laughter? Aimed at you, in a hurtful way. That look? Yeah, it was meant to sting. He uses this to make me question friendships, which leads back to lie number 1.

3] You're not enough. And will never be "enough" in any category. And especially not "enough" for any person. Go ahead and take a look back at lie numero uno.

4] It's smarter to question, rather than trust. You guessed it...leads to number one.

5] And lastly, you are not important.

But I thought you had this great faith? You are always posting about the love of God and how He consumes you. How He makes you strong and resilient.

Oh, my God does all of that and more. My God opens my eyes to the devil's schemes. But, I am easily persuaded to just keep them shut.

I realized that somewhere along the past few weeks my diligence towards reading the Word started to slip. I still craved it, but I wasn't satisfying the cravings. School, friends, family, "I just don't feel like reading", tired, stressed....blah blah blah. Yet, this weekend I read 4, count it 4!!!! "fun" books. But yet I don't have time to read....right.

It goes without saying that it wasn't hard for the devil to squeeze his way right back in. And tonight as I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself and wanting to rip apart someone, I realized that it wasn't the other person who was bitter and hostile...it was me. Ouch.

So I cracked open the Bible to my favorite "pick up" book, Ephesians. And God's Word hit me with this: "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 5: 10 -12

What did I learn today?

1] Trust God and seek Him ALWAYS. Not when it is convenient. Not when you can "make time". ALWAYS.

2] It's not your "strength" that will get you through. You cannot possibly hang on without God's all encompassing love. This love that provides you with protection against the evil that so easily tears you down.

3] When you're angry, stop, breathe, and re-focus. Maybe the person you are angry with is actually yourself.

Forever growing and learning and falling again,

Kathleen