Thankfully Heart Broken

Over the past few days I have been reading about the Crucifixion of Christ. A story that I have had memorized since I was a child. It's something that most people read the week preceding Easter but I recently bought a new Bible that has a "reading guide" included. Not wanting to skip ahead I started with the most "basic" reading guide which details what these particular people saw as the highlights of Christ's life. The past few days have been the story of Christ's crucifixion written by four different men, you probably know them well, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

God this time broke my heart. Reading through Christ's last few days brought me to tears in a coffee shop. Reading his cries for God to free him of this destiny. Reading how he was mocked, beaten and literally left to hang in front of a mob of people he loved. For the first time, God made no attempt to sugar coat the story. He laid it out in front of me in full, honest detail, and I am so thankful. Isn't this what we tell everyone about? How our God would send his only son to die for us? And not just any death but a horribly painful death that would require it's own word - crucifixion. Why is it that we, well at least I, often find myself just skimming through it? I've heard it before, nothing new here. Jesus says so much in so few words "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit" (Luke 23:46). Read it again. Take it all God, Christ says. I'm yours. This life is yours. And I give it freely. I bind my spirit to you, forever. He dies without hate in his heart after being betrayed and left alone by his friends. This is our savior. This is the person God would chose to sacrifice so that I can live freely of sin. Me, the person that wakes up in bitter moods. The one that holds grudges and says hurtful things. The girl who still gossips and complains. God willingly gave up this man for me. Wow. Thank you God. Thank you.

BJ Higgins "I Would Die For You"

I was watching a video of a Breakaway sermon that I missed a few weeks back. The topic, missions. I had heard the man's testimony before during an I Am Second presentation on campus. He was born and raised a Muslim. At the age of 18, he gave up literally, his family for God. He was disowned by his father. His father would tell him at the age of 19 that as long as he would become a doctor that he would be proud and no longer deny him. At the age of 19, this man would be called by God to be an evangelist. He would run from God's plan, but eventually God took control of his heart. Again this man turned from his father's will. Powerful stuff.

At the end of his talk, he read an exert from a book titled "I Would Die for You". This book is a compilation of journal entries from a 15 year-old boy, who would die from a disease he contracted while in a foreign country. The passion that this young boy had in his heart for God and God's power to save, caused me to look at my own life and evaluate my priorities. I will be buying this book tomorrow.

I feel like God has taught me so much in the past 4 years, but yet I can only imagine what I have missed out on due to my lack of faith and perseverance. I have been thinking a lot about Richard lately. Richard was the young pastor I worked with while in Uganda. I will never forget the emotions that would arise when he spoke. I didn't understand a word he was saying but I felt every part of it.

I will continue pursuing God. I know that my life will only be complete through Him. I still don't know where my life is headed. :] haha!

Work in Progress

Over the past few months I have been doing some serious digging. I have been digging in the one place that I have always struggled to break ground - The Bible. Ever since I can remember I have been read stories from the Bible or given inspirational verses, but I for some reason have never been able to sit down and dissect the Word of God on my own. It's been a struggle that I have prayed about for years. After failing to find a Bible study group that worked with the ridiculous school and life schedule I have, I told myself it was time to buckle down. If I can focus on Anatomy for four straight hours I sure as heck can read the Word every day. And I promise you that I have felt more joy and peace in my life in those moments than at any other moment.

Today I was reading Ephesians 2: 11-22. It is one of those passages that you just have to read over and over. Not because you cannot understand it, but because it is so beautiful. In summary, Paul confronts the issue of Jew vs. Gentile. And Paul reminded me that we are a work in progress. God has reconciled us through the living, blood of Christ, but He isn't done with us yet. The words filled me with such peace and humility, yet at the same time reminded me of how powerful my God is! What a glorious collaboration of emotions!

The past few months have been a blur. Officially a senior in college, I have found myself so certain and completely confused. There are days where I feel like I know where my life is going and other days where I know it's going in a different direction. But through it all, God's light has shown. He's yet to leave me alone. He's yet to turn His back on me and all my issues.

I thought that the day I was accepted to PT school I would feel fulfilled and positive and ready. Instead, I felt nervous and unsure. Is this the path God is calling me to? Or is this the path I am following? Am I going down the wrong path, AGAIN? Is it fear? Is it security I search for? What am I doing? Who am I following? Multiple sermons following that day only left me feeling more hesitant about this life path I was on.

Do I have any idea what I am doing now? No, no I do not. But reading God's Word has been a solid reminder of His unending, all encompassing love for me. Why with such love being bestowed on me would I fear anything? My God is stronger than any uncertainty. I know that if I remain open to Him and available He will show me exactly where I belong.

I've learned that God has blessed me with certain gifts. It's not easy for me to look at myself and say "Hey! You are really awesome at [blank]" But I think it is important to look at yourself and see your strengths because these our God's gifts to us. So here's my list
1] I have a passion for people - I have a deep desire to help others
2] I have a brain that is crazy good at remembering stuff - seriously.
3] I have the ability to set my mind to something and see it reach completion.
4] I have a sense of humor - I love to laugh!

Do these gifts lead me to physical therapy school? Do they lead me to mission work? Do they lead me to teaching? I'm not sure. Sometimes when I really think of it I imagine this crazy mixture of all three. I'm this doctor who gets to teach others rehabilitation techniques and about Jesus, in a different country! Who knows?! MY GOD DOES!

Ephesians 2: 22 "And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit"

Honestly...

For the past month I have been searching for a way to write down everything I am about to attempt to put into words...confused yet? :]

Basically after returning from Uganda things for me were tough.

The first weeks back I guess I was in sort of a culture shock. It was really hard for me to handle people. It sounds so hard to say but it really was. It was hard to listen to people complaining about unimportant things. It was hard to not get the welcome home I in some ways expected. I came home to Rockport and of course my Mom, Dad, and brothers completely welcomed me home and wanted to know every little detail. I went to church with my parents and so many people came up to me not asking about the trip but wanting to know how blessed I felt to be home. I often found myself wanting to scream "I WAS BLESSED WHILE I WAS THERE!!!" I loved everything about Uganda and I felt like these people were saying "good you got THAT out of your system." Well I didn't get THAT out of my system. My extended family hadn't been completely supportive of my trip. It's not that they didn't want me to go but I don't think they understood WHY I HAD TO GO. It wasn't for a vacation or to just get away! God was pulling me to Uganda! I just felt like no one understood me.

I came back to College Station and just got completely swept away by life. I realized that I was behind on a lot of things like GRE tests, PT applications, volunteer hours, etc. I allowed myself to be consumed by this world and it's stress.

And than about one month after I returned from Uganda things got dark. I found myself not reading the Word, not going to church, not talking to anyone about Christ and not praying and talking with God. It was the darkest 2 weeks of my life. When I look back on it now it completely scares me. How after returning from such a humbling and opening trip could I lose sight of everything? I still really do not know but I can tell you it wasn't God pulling and dragging me this time.

After about 2 weeks I literally pulled myself out of bed one morning and went to church. The sermon was on Numbers 11:1-23 and it focused on 4 main reason with have doubt and discouragement. 1. Unrealistic expectations - what I expected when I came home was not what I received 2. Wrong perspective - No one cares about this trip, no one cares about me, it's all about me, AGAIN 3. Isolation from Others - no church, no community, no accountability partners 4. Forgot the Past - forgot about everything I had learned in Uganda like the importance of digging into The Word every day, surrounding myself with fellow believers and telling others about Christ. Basically it was like God grabbing my shoulders and shaking me out of this funk.

Than July 12th came. I received an e-mail from my Grandmother asking me about how I felt about what was going on in Uganda. I quickly got on BBC and read about the terrorist bombing in Kampala. I was sitting at my desk at work and I just cried. My heart literally felt like it was breaking. It was so surreal to me to think that I was in Kampala just months before. I put my head down and prayed for all the people I had met. That night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up listening to The David Crowder Band and Jeff Johnson, praying and talking it out with God. He drew me to Psalm 38 which pretty much summed up everything I was feeling.

All I can say if that I have nothing but praise for our God. He never pulls back from us and always fights for us. So many times we fall short of the grace He gives without condition. I know I'll never be perfect but sometimes I wish I could be closer.

Just a few days ago I had coffee with a dear friend and she just filled me with so much hope and joy. She finds herself in the position I was last October. God is pulling her to Haiti and she scared, but beyond all that she is excited about what God has in store for her. I got to sit down and have an honest conversation with her about how I was feeling and never once did she judge me. She offered prayer and support and love. It was so refreshing.

I know that I have a million things going on in my life but none of that matters without God. And I know that. It's so easy to become side tracked by the things of this world. The best thing about being in Uganda was having 10 days to fully devote myself to Christ by praying, praising and reading scripture. My heart yearns for this kind of intimacy with my Savior and my Father.

Of course now I cannot stop thinking about Uganda. I looked into Doctors Without Borders. Sadly they do not often have positions for physical therapists but I know that God will use me if I stay willing and open. Who knows maybe I'll end up doing medical missions with e3! I wouldn't complain! :]

As usual I am writing from a humbled heart,
Kathleen

"Take my hand to the promise land
And on You I want to stand
‘Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by Your side ‘cause I cannot hide
Lord, I know that I need You
Without You I'm so alone
I am weak but You are strong
You pick me up when I'm falling down
And I am crying
Out to You inside of my heart
I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part
I want You to have my life, Jesus
I fall to my knees
And I'm begging You, please, oh, Lord
Won't You change me
Make me new from the inside out
I want to shout out Your name"

Last Day in Uganda - Shopping, Flight Home

May 23, 2010

Tony led devotional this morning talking about how this trip should continually change out live. It should be more than just an event. We also talked about preparing ourselves for going home and going "back to normal". We all have been shown things we need to change but we can't expect it to happen all at once. But also we shouldn't just become "normal" again. I think it will be hard to not have that close community every morning and throughout the day.

After devo we waited around for quite awhile...Oh Ugandan time :] We went shopping in Jinja for a bit and than got on the bus for Kampala and Entebbe. Traffic was awful because the President of Uganda was visiting. We finally made it to Kampala and ATE PIZZA at Domino's. hahah! Nothing like an American Domino's but great none the less. I never thought I would miss greasy American food so much. We got back on the bus just to get stuck in more traffic. I started getting a little nervous about time but God got us through and to the airport in Entebbe in plenty of time. We wasted the time in traffic by taking pictures of all the ridiculous advertisements and buildings. While in the bus I was definitely feeling ready to be home.

Once we got to the airport we had to say bye to Jen. Super sad to see her go but she is staying 6 more weeks in Uganda!!! I'm so so so excited for her and cannot wait to hear all about it. She is going to be teaching! I can't even imagine what God has in store for her and the kids she is going to meet. We rushed through the airport and than waited. The first flight was easy. I slept on and off for the 8hour flight.

We arrive at Amsterdam around 5am local time. I am currently still waiting for my second flight scheduled to leave at 10:40am. We ate McDonald's at 6:30am...yes, as soon as they opened. I never thought I would find McD's so delicious.

Andrew and I said good-bye to Tony, Lisa, Keith, Allison, Josh and Jason at their gate. We than tried wasting a few hours but there isn't a lot to do in an airport. We explored the shops...played with some random computers, laughed at the overly sized candies bars and than went to Starbucks for coffee. Than I said good-bye to Andrew...headed to my gate, and here I sit.

I am not sure where to start on my reflections for the trip. It was definitely different than expected but God showed me a lot about myself and revealed even more of Himself to me. He's drawn me to a couple of verses this week -->Romans 5:8, John 3:30, 2 Corinthians 5:20-21, Ephesians 2:8 - 10 and a bunch of the Psalms. I've definitely been shown the importance of being in the Word every day but most of all I've learned that "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!" For most of the week I was present but not active. God taught me to be persistent in prayer and that I don't always have to be in control. God uses us in ways that He needs even if they don't match our expectations. 500 souls were saved this week!!! That isn't something that can be done by my words of the words of the team or the nationals, God just uses us as tools. People kept asking for my favorite memory from the trip and honestly I cannot pick one moment. Every time a child grabbed hold of my hand my heart melted. Every profession of faith was just as joyful as the ones previous. Every tent at the survivor camp opened my eyes and humbled me. Every laugh with the team brought me out of my shell and grew me as a person. I can honestly say that I love every member of that team and thank God for the bonds that were formed in such a short time. I cannot even imagine what God has in store for 9 of us. I am definitely going to miss the daily community.

I'm not sure where God is going to take me but I know that I need to stay open to His pull. I still cannot believe how perfect this trip was in terms of time, and money. It definitely proves to me that this trip was God's plan all along and not my own. I do want to look into Doctors without Borders especially if I am still single in 4 years. God has shown me that I can do missions. And He's also put adoption on my heart...which I have always thought about.

I have missed my family and friends a lot though. I think that I will have a new appreciation for a lot of things I probably took for granted before this trip. I cannot wait to see my Dad. I have about 6hours left on this flight at least. I have an almost anxious feeling in my stomach but it's different than the one I had before I left. I was definitely scared. I still cannot believe I actually went through with it, especially without knowing anyone previously. I am hoping that I will be more bold with my faith. It's sad to say but I would be terrified to take an e-cube door-to-door in the states. Our country is supposed to be "Christian" but I know there are tons of people who desperately need Christ. I definitely have a lot to reflect on. I pray that i will not allow this trip to just be an event in my life but rather a step in my journey. Good-bye Uganda! I cannot believe it's over already. Good-byes are always so bittersweet...

May 22, 2010
Moses led devotional this morning using Romans 1: 1 -6, where Paul is explaining how he is a servant of Jesus Christ. In order to be a true servant we must devote every day to the Lord. Very good devo :]

We drove about 2 hours to Alice and Bernard's orphanage/school called New Hope. There are 247 kids there. 48 are "full-time"/ "true" orphans. They welcomed us by singing songs. Every single one was completely adorable. Many lost their parents or entire family to HIV/Aids. I would say the ages ranged from around 3 to 15 years old. Mostly girls. They all just wanted to hold your hand and play with you. I had one girl who attached herself to me the entire time we were there. I think I love her already. :]








We walked around the facility to different classrooms and such. Than we drove to the 26 acres they are looking to buy. They will use the land to expand the facility but also for farm land so they can have their own food and hopefully bring in some income. Just last month they ran out of food but God provided through donations. Keith and Allison's church called The Lift is looking to adopt the orphanage for their world mission. We trekked around the 26 acres through the bush. It was ridiculously hot but super beautiful and made me want to go hiking, haha. Jen managed to slice up her leg pretty good. We plan on taking over-exaggerated photos later this evening to document her battle wounds.




On the drive back we same some more gorgeous landscape including some massive boulders we dubbed "Pride Rock", thank you Lion King. It was a very cool day which definitely further clarified my desire to do something in children's ministry.I really need to look into that for these next 2 semesters at Texas A&M.

We spent the night in Jinja at the same guest house we stayed in the first night in Uganda. It was really awesome to see how close our team has become after only 10 days. We ate at a restaurant called The Gateley. It was located right on Lake Vicotira. The scenery was breathtaking and the FOOOOODDDD was SOO GOOD! I had meat for the first time in like a week. I definitely was starting to feel ready to head home but I definitely love this team. Sleeping was pretty miserable without an A/C after being spoiled at The Rock Classic Hotel in Tororo. The car horns were none stop and than the Muslim call to prayer started around 5am. I cannot believe we head out tomorrow night. These 10 days have just flown by!

Have you ever started something and for some reason that you had finished it when in fact you were not even close to being done??

Well...that's sort of what happened with this blog! :/ BUT I AM BACK!! And I will finish my updates!















May 21, 2010

Lisa led the devotional this morning on prayer and it fit perfectly for the day. We drove about 2 hours through green fields, trees and mountains. The landscape was breathtaking. We arrived at the Baduda Landslide camp and hundreds of people, mostly children, came running out to our bus. There are over 5000 people staying at the camp. Each family was given one tent. It doesn't matter whether the family consisted of 2 people or 20 they stayed in this one tent. They had "bathrooms" that were just closed off sections of the camp. They were not provided with food. Most cooked their food in fire pits they created outside of their tents.







We split up into 5 groups and went out to different parts of the camp. I had never in my life seen anything like this camp. The people had nothing yet they were still so welcoming. The kids were adorable as usual and clung onto us the entire day. I remember telling Lisa that God was the only thing stopping me from just breaking down and crying. I was praying the entire time for strength which He provided. Lisa said it perfectly when she said it was like watching a disaster movie. You never imagine that survivor camps are really like this.











I met a former child soldier today who is now 19 years old. He ran away to the Kenyan mountains to avoid the rebels. He remembered his parents telling him that Kenya was a safe place. He lived in Kenya for years by himself until he heard it was safe to come home. He is now studying at a college in Uganda. He was such a nice young man. He wanted to know all about America and kept saying how nice Americans are. He said that many people from different countries have come to Baduda to help with the landslide but you can always pick out the Americans. First, he said that the women have big calf muscles! HAHAHAHA :]!! Second, he said that Americans are willing to pick up and play with the children. He said they are never afraid to get their hands dirty and to interact with the Ugandans. Sadly, I was surprised to hear such great reviews because often I feel that Americans are really self-absorbed but I'm glad that he has seen the positive side.







Lisa talked to a woman who saved a child that had been left alone at the market when the land slide occurred. I just could not believe how kind and gracious all the people at the camp were. We brought in $1000 worth of flour and barely nicked the surface of need. We did feel all of the 16 survivor families. Through everything that these people had been through many of them just requested prayer. This was remarkable to me because I feel like Americans would want physical items; clothing, money, etc. I really don't know what else to write. It was a mind-blowing day and definitely eye-opening. Tomorrow we are going to the orphanage and saying good-bye to Tororo! :[

Last Day in the Field - Closing Rally

May 20, 2010
Last night Jen and I explored the hotel and found lots of random stuff like the fire extinguisher above. We pretty much explored the entire hotel...literally every nook and cranny. :) We couldn't stop laughing to go to sleep. The A/C in our room also decided to become completely DODGY and freeze us out at 17 degrees C. But I was too lazy to get out of bed to turn the thing off so I cuddled up with the blankets and my towel.

Also last night I bought a bunch of bracelets and necklaces from Irene. The beads are made from paper by widows and AIDS victims. I am pretty sure between Jason, Josh, Andrew and myself we took a good chunk of Irene's inventory, haha. :)

Jason led devotional this morning and talked about how we need to live every day devoted to Christ even when we go home.


Today was our last day in Ngelechom. We went to one group of huts which were the witch doctor's family but she was out in the garden and wouldn't come in to talk to us. There were at least 30 kids there. Jason shared the e-cube with one group of adults while I played with the kiddos. They couldn't stop laughing every time I showed them a new picture. Than they would push each other forward so I would take more pictures. Richard presented the e-cube to a group of women and some of the kids. Bernard than presented the HOPE cube.





We headed back to the church plant site. When we arrived many of the young men from yesterday were already there. Jason presented Joseph, the church plant pastor, with Bibles and the names of all the people who were saved, around 50!! Than he preached on the importance of helping the pastor grow the church. Many people in the village are busy during the day so I am hoping and praying that Sunday they will see a good size crowd. I gave Richard the Life Application Study Bible, a picture of my family and a map of the USA with Rockport marked.



Moses, the mother church pastor, gave me another Fanta today. :) I am sure now that every time I see orange Fanta I will think of him. We also met his wife, son and daughter (in picture above).

It feels like I have been in Uganda a long time but when I realize we leave in 3 days I cannot believe how fast a week has gone by. Watching Moses play with his young daughter makes me miss home a lot, especially Daddy. It is weird to think that we won't be going back to the village tomorrow but I know this was just the beginning for that church. I definitely have been feeling drawn to children's ministry during my time here. I just feel like I can openly talk to them. Even teenagers are easier for me than adults. Often with my nationals I worried about what I was saying too much. God will provide the words but I let myself get in the way. I am just more comfortable and open with youth and kids.

Tomorrow we will head to Baduda where the landslide camp is. There are around 5000 people staying there in tents. We are going to evangelize and also bring food for the 16 families of survivors and hopefully some for AIDS victims as well.

In the field, Day 3 Watch

May 19, 2010

Today was the first morning I've woken up still tired. I think the early mornings are starting to get to me. I have never been much of a morning person. :) But it's always easier to get out of bed when you have devotional and a lovely breakfast to look forward too. Allison did a great job leading devotional this morning.

Jason and I actually got to our site at 10 am! BUT our pastors weren't there so we didn't get started till around 11:30 am, you gotta love Ugandan time.


Our first stop was at a hut with a mom, her kids and another middle aged woman. Since we have visited most of the village Patrick and his team joined Alice, Richard and myself. I presented the HOPE cube and Richard presented the e-cube, yay! :) He did great for his first time presenting solo. The mother wasn't ready to accept Christ but her thirteen year old daughter did and so did the other middle aged woman. We than went to the grandmother's house. She was a retired nurse who was trying to start a clinic. I presented the HOPE cube and left one with her so she could use it with her patients. She was already saved but agreed to come fellowship with us.

These were are only new stops for the day. We re-visited the 70+ year old man from our first day in the field. We than headed back because we moved cell group to 1:30pm in hopes of avoiding the rain. Richard wanted a picture with me and I'm hoping I can figure out a way to get a copy to his but he does not have e-mail. He explained a lot of their crops to me and how they live completely off the land. I showed him pictures of my family which all of the nationals love to see.


We started cell group around 2pm and by the end had about 30 men, women and children.
My favorite man from the first day was there and I was so excited to see him. A drunk showed up and I felt very uncomfortable around him. The nationals found him funny and asked if there were any drunk in America...


Jason preached using the Book of John and then Patrick preached. I was praying that the rain would hold off until Patrick was done and sure enough about 30 seconds after he finished it started to rain.

We went to eat, again. I think that the pastor understand now that Jason and I will not be eating, haha. He is so nice though and always brings us sodas. He specifically brought a Fanta for me because it's what we had at the mother church the first day we met. Everyone is just so hospitable here. I forgot to mention that we found out that our church plant pastor has been using a Jehovah's witness "bible" - if you can even call it that. He really didn't want to give it up because of all the notes he had taken in it but we couldn't leave it with him. Jason will bring him a new Bible tomorrow.

Since we have seen all of the village I think the plan is to go as one big group to the witch doctor's house. I'm not sure how to feel about that...kind of makes me nervous but I am really curious as well. Hopefully tomorrow's cell group with grow even more on top of today's group!

In the field, day 2 Assist

May 18, 2010

I woke up to the roosters again at about 5:30am. Josh led devotional about loving good (God) and rejecting bad. Jason and I were the last to leave again so we didn't make it to our site till about 11am. My plan for the day was to let Richard do the e-cube and I would present the HOPE cube but that's not really what happened, haha!

I definitely spent more time in prayer today because yesterday I was too focused on myself. Anytime the nationals would start to talk I would just feel lost so today I spent that time praying. God's definitely showing me that it's not about me.


The first place we went to was an actual house not a hut. There was an older woman, a young man from yesterday, a young woman and at least 10 kids. The woman was saved and the man was saved yesterday so we prayed over the children. The youngest probably around 1 came up to me during the prayer and placed is head on my lap. Afterward I picked him up, butt naked and all. :) His mom joked that he would be my companion for the day.

The next stop was a woman who was already saved so we moved on to the next hut. There were lots of 6-14 year old, a 20+ year old man and his wife. The man said they attended church elsewhere but listened to the e-cube and HOPE cube. They agreed to come be a part of our church. He asked for a Bible like many did yesterday. Three young men (teenagers) were saved. I passed out e-cards to some of the younger kids. This group of kids followed us to the next stop and a few stayed to hear us go through the e-cube again. One, a young boy (orange shirt in the picture) went through his e-card while we went through the cube and showed it to his friend (black shirt). The mom at this stop said they had been attending church but they were not saved. She asked me to pray for her children and to take a picture of them. There was an older boy there who stood away from us but before we left he asked Richard to pray for him because his had had been injured and was still really painful. We placed our hands on him and prayed.

We went to a few more huts, most were mothers who said they were already saved, one told us she did not have time to talk.

Our last stop was with a middle aged man and his family. I guess one of his kids had been around us because the man was already holding an e-card. After going through the cube he told us that the Jehovah's witnesses had been by before. He than clarified with me some of the falsehoods he had been told - it's a sin to say Christ died on a cross. After getting these answers he quoted John 3:16 in English and was saved. He also asked for a Bible so he could teach his family the truth.

As we were heading back one of the young boys who had been following us wanted his mom to meet me so he brought us to her. She was resistant to the Word but she did listen.

We headed back to the church plant site and went in to eat just as it started to rain like yesterday. Again we did not have cell group.

I believe tomorrow since we have reached all of Ngelechom (our village) we are just going to go back to the house that accepted and tell them fellowship is at 1pm. Hopefully we can beat the rain.


Richard gave me some guavas on the way to the car. I'm hoping I can try them since I can peel them myself. I really love listening to Richard preach. You can just tell he loves God and believes every word he speaks.

All in all today was a great day in the field: 7 were saved and lots of kids heard the Gospel. I tried to inform their parents that the children were welcome at fellowship as well. If we have a big group of kids we can do children's ministry which I really love.

In Field Evangelism Day 1 - Model

May 17, 2010
I woke up at 6am went to devotional at 7am. The devotional was on expectations and how we need to let go of our own expectations and let God do His work through us.

Jason and I got a late start to our church plant site. We didn't arrive until around 10am. My field partners are Alice and Richard. Richard is the youth pastor at the mother church. Alice is the wife of Bernard who is one of the nationals. They have an orphanage called New Hope which we will be visiting later in the week.

Our first stop was under a tree where a group of young men were gathered. There were around 3 huts surrounding this spot. There were around 25 people there mostly young 20-something men. I started with the HOPE cube than presented the evangecube. I was a little lost on whether they already were Christians or if this was all new to them. We had about 5 accept Christ. One was a younger boy probably around 16. He was hesitant at first but we explained that it was his own choice and not for anyone else to decide for him. Two more men showed up before we were about to leave so we presented both cubes to them.

The next stop was at a single hut. There was one son and his Mom and Dad. Dad was sick and lying on a mat. Mom was apprehensive but welcoming like all Ugandans. The son was so excited and kind -- for lack of better words. He grabbed onto the E-card and tract and just wanted more and more. His face lit up in a way that I will never forget. He was so thirsty for the Word and he truly desired a relationship with Christ. He asked for a Bible like many of the men at the previous stop had. I wish I had one for each person who asks but we are leaving our Bibles with the newly planted church pastor. The young man's wife came over with her baby and Alice did a great job connecting with her and the older mother. Both women also accepted Christ.

The next stop was at another 3-4 hut place. One older man had already been saved but he brought 4 youth, one of which was saved to us so we could talk to them. A young girl was there and all I wanted to do was sit and play with her. She never took her eyes off me and was constantly smiling. Another man showed up and I presented both cubes to the group. Two of the youth and the later arriving man accepted Christ after Richard preached hard to them. THe third youth never really agreed so Alice spent some time preaching directly to him. We did get his contact information so hopefully we planted a seed today that will continue to grow.


Our last stop was at the hut of a 75 year old man was was all about praising God. I presented the e-cube to him and then Alice began to talk to him about how we needed an elder like him at the new church. He talked about all the hardships in his life but always went back to how God provided. It was such a different mind set than what I am used to back home. He came from a family of 16 but was the only one left. Recently he had been seriously injured but was now back at work. He agreed to come to the new church. In the picture above he is holding a pumpkin leaf and explaining that they eat the entire plant not just the pumpkin. He posed for this picture. :) He was also a big time Obama fan.

By this point the thunder was rumbling and huge dark clouds were forming so we went back to the church plant site as the rain started to fall.

The young man from the second stop was already there and it was really sad to see him walk away because of the rain. He said he would not be able to come tomorrow because of work so hopefully I will see him the next day.

We quickly got inside one of the pastor's huts just in time because it really started to pour. The nationals joked with me that they were going to leave me there to sleep in the hut. I find it pretty amazing that mud walls and a grass roof withstand the weather.

The women brought in food and so Jason and myself had to explain again that we couldn't eat it. The pastor did bring us sodas again to drink though. Sadly because of the rain we did not get to have our cell group meeting. I am praying that all the people we told today will remember to come tomorrow.

All in all a very eye opening day. The people are all so kind and welcoming, even when they are telling you their struggles. We did not get turned down once. They always brought us chairs and were thankful for our visit. I wish people at home cared that much for each other.

Tonight after dinner we all shared stories about our days. It was truly amazing to hear how God is already at work. It is obvious that He has been preparing these people's hearts to be open to His word. So many amazing stories that just seem so unreal. Charles, one of our nationals, actually drove out a demon which is not something you hear about in America. It just doesn't seem real. Tony, Lisa, and Josh had over 100 people at their cell group meeting. A lot of people found that women were afraid to accept Christ without their husband's approval.

I'm very excited about tomorrow, definitely hoping we can have cell group time. I really just need to let go and let God work through me. I like to be in control but I really need to fully submit this week.

Alice said we had 15-20 professions of faith and we talked to around 35 people. I felt kind of lost when neither national was translating for me but I know God was working through them. I need to remember IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!!

First Visit to the Village

May 16, 2010 - Sunday

I got a really good night's sleep, woke up to a rooster around 5:30 am. I still am adjusting a bit but today will be a short day in the field so we can rest up tonight. We started the morning with devotional as usual. Keith led us using Zechariah 8:23 and Psalm 67. We prayed over all the guys since they will be preaching today.

I may be asked to give my testimony which makes me a little nervous but I know God will work through me.

Our home/mother church is in a one room, mud hut. The children collect flowers to place in the walls and on the door. Worship is lead by a single drum and homemade shaker. Everyone dances, claps and sings along. They have two choirs - 1) Children Choir with 6 to 7 kids 2) Youth Choir with 3 young girls. The pastor spoke a short message than all pastors, elders, visitors, etc were introduced. Jason preached on John 4: 1 - 23 and did an awesome job. The evangecubes and hope cubes were explained, followed by more singing and prayer. I did not have to speak today and I have mixed emotions about that. I am relieved because I didn't have to get up in front of a group but kind of disappointed because I had amped myself up to do just that. After the service, the mother church's pastor (in photo with Jason) invited us to stay for lunch. I felt bad because we didn't eat any of it for fear of becoming sick.

The kids were curious as usual and huddled up next to the van as we were preparing to leave. They would get as close to us as they could without actually touching us or getting in the van.

Tomorrow I will be pairing up with Alice and Richard to go door-to-door. Jason said that from here on out the days get very long so I am going to try and enjoy all of my down time this evening.

I have been meaning to write down more of my "observations" so here are a few. The women in Uganda hold very traditional roles - child-care, cooking, etc. There are no women pastors but they are still active in the church - women's ministry, evangelism, etc. It is very hard to go from living in a country where independent women are so prominent to a country where women are not treated as equals. I liked that the children were and integral part of the service. And I loved how worship just made you feel so alive. The people in our village speak Swahili and Sabine. Translating between English and Swahili was a bit bumpy this morning but it was a good trial run for tomorrow. Most of the congregation spoke some English so the translations didn't have to be perfect.

After spending time with our church we headed back to the hotel. I took a power nap before an early dinner. I have been meaning to write down some of their traditional foods - plantains, milton bread (looks like brown/gray bread dough), rice, etc. After dinner we all sat outside and talked about our days. Than went inside to practice the HOPE cubes.

I may have an opportunity to do children's ministry while Jason does cell group with the adults. We will see what happens tomorrow. I am already seeing how God works using His own plan and not ours.

I already feel so comfortable with our group which is a true blessing. I cannot believe we have only known each other for 3 days. God is awesome!

From Jinja to Tororo

May 15, 2010

I woke up this morning to a beautiful breakfast of very sweet bread, bananas, pineapple, mangoes and fresh brown eggs. The fruit here is AMAZING! And most of the team is raving about the coffee. We left Jinja and our currently on the bus to Tororo. As soon as you leave "the city" everything looks like what I imagined Africa looking like. The landscape is scattered with one room huts and buildings that look unfinished. Everyone is outside working or sitting around talking. The kids yell "mazungo" - white person - as we drive by. Everyone stares, most wave. The cows are tied to the side of the street or wander freely. It's beautiful here, much greener than I expected. I definitely have seen the government at work here in Uganda, multiple soldiers and police, mostly carrying AK-47 type guns. Reminds me of the Invisible Children videos.

Our guest house was next to a secondary school. Primary --> Secondary --> College. School is very expensive. The kids wear uniforms. The boys wear shorts until they are mature enough for trousers.

We stopped at one of our National's, Moses', village. The kids were adorable and curious, especially about cameras. Afterward we headed to our hotel which is really nice! Jen and I are rooming together. I think we are warming up to each other and I cannot wait to get to know her more. She has been to Uganda once before, originally from England. She will be staying in Uganda when we leave to work with kids at a school. We had an overabundance of food again at lunch. I was pleasantly surprised to see sodas in glass bottles waiting for us...yay caffeine! :)

We than headed to the Rock Baptist Church for our "kick-off". We met our church planting team. It was awesome to see just how excited they were to get an Ecube. Tomorrow we will attend church at our mother church and than go to the church plant site and also around the surrounding village. The people in Uganda are so welcoming and willing to learn.

We headed back to the hotel and I think it's about to rain here, which I am excited about because I love the rain. It has been a pretty relaxing evening - dinner, ecube/discussion time, shower :). I did make a phone call out to Mom and Dad which was really nice. Tomorrow should be awesome going to our mother church to worship and than the guys are preaching at the service. We will have another relaxing day when we get back from out mother churches before we start our "in-field" evangelism. I am still feeling super jet lagged but I am hoping tonight's sleep catches me up a bit.

Officially in Uganda - Jinja

May 14, 2010

We drove through multiple cities tonight. I do not even know how to describe them. Shops are one room shacks with open doors and are lit by candles. The roads make no sense and driving rules seem none existent. You pass the car in front of you whenever possible. They also drive on the opposite side of the road from what we Americans do. Looking at everything makes you thankful for the things we take for granted every day like lights, and air conditioning. The people walk everywhere around here on the side of the road, seems so dangerous. We met some of our nationals at the airport. They are very nice and I love the way the shake hands. One tried to teach us Swahili/Lugandan; emphasis on tried. :) The team is awesome and already getting along great. Jet lag is awful and we start up bring and early tomorrow at 8 am. We are staying the night at a "guest house" in Jinja and will drive another hour or so tomorrow to Tororo (our final destination). I cannot wait to see God work through this team. He has already thrown some curve balls - the majority of our team got to Amsterdam 10 minutes before take off!! I am excited but very exhausted. I didn't sleep on the flight from Houston to Amsterdam at all and was in and out of sleep on the flight from Amsterdam to Entebbe. I think I will attempt to get some sleep now. I cannot wait to get going tomorrow!

Travel Day #1

May 13, 2010

3:05pm
I'm officially at the airport and really anxious. My Dad drove me up to Houston. We had lunch with my older brother before heading to the airport. With all the high security my Dad could barely even get into the airport, haha. It seemed like the only people allowed in were ticket holders. I am holding in a lot of emotions right not, trying not to cry in front of a bunch of people who don't speak English. I tried to call Megan, my roommate, but I cannot seem to make a call out or even a text for that matter. Saying bye to Dad was weird. I am very excited but just feeling a bit nervous. I am ready to get on the flight and dig into The Word and my travel guide for a bit. -Fun Fact- There are two guys from Texas A&M on my flight. I cannot believe that I will be in Africa this time tomorrow.

4:10pm
Well I am sitting in my seat, 23H (aisle seat :]), on the my first flight. Leaving from George Bush Intercontinental for Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam. My expected arrival time is 8:05 am. It is an estimated 9 hour flight...no stops, ugh. I am feeling much better now. I definitely have beyond enough things to keep my busy including music, movies and my Bible. I knew God would provide comfort and He did --> Diet Coke and Colbie Caillat. I am going to dig in the Word a bit than probably watch one of the 100+ movies.

7:35pm
I just ready about the death of Christ and how even Jesus was scared but gave his life because it was God's will. God provided him with great things after he rose again. It is through his self-less act that we live fully.

The Night Before The Journey

May 12, 2010

It's here. For the past 8 months I have been thinking about this day and here it is. Tomorrow I will step on my first international flight, solo. This time tomorrow I will be nearing Amsterdam and will be anxiously waiting to meet the 8 other members of the mission team, Team Tororo! I don't know what emotions to write down or how to put my thoughts on paper. I feel like I should be freaking out right not but I can honestly say that I am not. Knowing that God has been preparing me for this trip provides me with strength and comfort. I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that He chose me! I feel unworthy but I know that it's not just the Ugandans' lives that will be changed...I am about to have my world rocked! I will find time to write every day. I want to be able to soak it all in over and over. For now I will get some sleep in my own bed. :)

Uganda 2010

I told myself I would start writing before I left for Uganda but alas I did not. I kept a journal, hand-written!!, for the 10 days I was in Uganda so my plan is to update this blog each day as if I were in Uganda.

Tonight I will begin with the entry before my journey and will continue from there on.



So let's begin this journey, again. :)

May 1, 2010

I know, I know it's been about 5 million years since my last post give or take a few hundred years. And honestly I stopped posting because I found myself in place where I felt as though what I was going through and what I had to say just wasn't interesting or captivating or intelligent or worthwhile. I know that I am not blessed with clarity through words. I am not blessed with eloquence of typing. But sometimes I think that if I could just type it out I would feel better.

Why all of this lack of self worth? It's simple I am a 21 year old college student who has no idea where her life is going. I am single and scared out of my mind that this is my path. I am human and I am blinded by my own desires, expectations and fear of the unknown. I have been drawn to a path that is not easy.

It was not easy to pack up all my things and move 4 hours away to a school I never visited. It was not easy to choose "pot-luck" on my option for a roommate. It was not easy to spend my first month in college torn from heart break. It was not easy to set aside my pain and anger and turn to God and say "You're right, I am broken. I need you and not anyone else." It was not easy to watch myself go through cycles of obedience and then complete and total rebuke of His holy word. It was not easy to hear over and over "Rest in me my sweet child. I love you. I am all you need. Rest in me." And more than anything it has not been easy for me to watch as everyone else seems to live a life I see as "fulfilled".

Even as I type that last sentence my heart breaks. But at the same time I feel the Lord "put his hand upon my wound and whisper, rest in me." How many times have I heard the Lord say these words to me? So many questions I have cried to Him, no I take that back, I have YELLED to Him. WHY? Why would YOU CHOOSE this for me? Why would YOU PUT me in this situation? Why would YOU DECIDE this? WHY? WHY? WHY?

But then I remember. I remember that Christ suffered so much for ME. He died for ME. He too asked God WHY? In Mark 14 Christ prays to God "Abba, Father...everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." He cries out in Mark 15 "Eloi, Eloi, lema sebachthani?" "My God, my God, WHY have you forsaken me?" But yet He carried the cross and He died on it. And did God forsake Him? No! God rose Him from the dead and glorified Him. And through Him I HAVE BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD! (2 Corinthians 5: 21) HALLELUJAH!

Mae: You asked a beautiful question that got me thinking. Would the sixteen year old you approve? The 16 year-old me would not believe I am where I am right now. She would not believe that I am this person. Because the 16 year-old me didn't even know who she was.

I think back to being 16 and it seems like a completely different life. And then I realize, it was. My life began the day I truly accepted Jesus Christ. My life began the day I gave my life away. And that was not when I was 16.

I wish I could say that I always followed God. That I never turned away when He called. That I was always obedient and willing. I grew up in a family that attended "church". I put that in quotations because it is not the "church" that we are called to. It simply was a building. It was not a community of believers. For as long as I could remember Sunday mornings consisted of a homemade breakfast, church service, and lunch with family. This didn't change for me until about the 7th or 8th grade.

Now think back to that time. Middle school was definitely the most dysfunctional and traumatizing time of my life. I look back on it now and think "Really?!?" I attended a youth camp in 8th grade and for the first time I heard that Christ wanted to have a personal relationship with me. This idea of this intimate relationship with Christ was completely foreign but this was when God started to water the seed in my heart.

The following year I attended the same church camp but this time God rocked my world. He broke down the walls that I had built up around my life. In doing so, He brought me to tears. I cried and cried. I remember praying to Him and saying "I want to know you but you cannot give me the one thing I desire right now. I need a physical hug. I need to feel cared for." At that moment I felt a hug and at first I swear I thought I was delusional. I turned to see a girl with her arms around me crying just as desperately as I was. She had been in my classes all year. She was new in town. Her name was Chelsea.

I wish I could say that I gave my heart to Jesus on that day. That I repented. That I gave up this earthly life and followed God, but that's not my story.

Freshmen year continued. Heart break, laughter, drama, success, gossip, friendship, loss...a never ending cycle of ups and downs. Sophomore year came. Junior year came. Senior year came...And I remained, unchanged. I can honestly say that I fell in love. But it wasn't with the one person who loves me the most. I allowed myself to push aside any reservations to pursue him. Let me make it clear that I DO NOT blame him, I DO NOT despise him, I DO NOT hate him. We were kids who did not have a solid relationship with Christ and without that relationship our own relationship began to crumble.

Than one night after longboarding with friends you Maegan came up to me and you confronted me. I of course couldn't help but be enraged with you. How could YOU of all people JUDGE ME? Harsh, bitter, malicious me came out in a way I had never seen. I didn't want to listen to what you had to say. I rambled on excuse after excuse and walked away feeling justified in my actions. Let's just say that this was the moment God put MiracleGrow on the seed in my heart.

Over the next few weeks I couldn't think about anything else. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus. And then one night driving back from Wal-Mart (of course!) I turned to said boy and announced that I could not and would not continue this relationship in this way. Of course I was not strong enough to say "look here mister, this relationship is unhealthy for both of us and I need to diligently seek the Lord." But it was a start. I remember getting out of the car and running up to you, Maegan, crying. All I remember saying is thank you. And I want you to know that that was the night I accepted Christ. In that moment my world changed. But it was not easy.

I look back on the past three years at Texas A&M and cannot even visualize the person I was when I entered. God has continued to rock my world. He has provided me with friendships, accountability, challenges, love, guidance, joy, and so much more. He has taken my heart and shaped it to reflect Him! And I am completely undeserving! I cannot even express my feelings about His power in my life. Even when I falter I know that He does not turn away. He continues to pursue me and I am so thankful He is much more patient than I am. He has used me in ways that I would never have imagined. He has taken me places and put me in situations that I never would have experienced on my own.

And now He is calling me to be a missionary! WHAT?! Really? Broken, undeserving, faltering ME? YES! Now if that isn't a testament of God's almighty power I don't know what is.

The craziest thing about this whole journey has been the misconceptions that He has shattered. I guess I thought that as soon as I committed myself to this mission I would just miraculously become this saint. Well, let me tell you I have not!

I moved into my first apartment in August of 2009. Having a computer in my room for the first time ever I spent most of my nights staying up too late on the computer watching movies or playing games. One night after watching a bunch of I Am Second videos I clicked on an e3 missions link. Immediately I was sent to a website that said "PICK YOUR COUNTRY AND TELL PEOPLE ABOUT JESUS!!" (Or something like that) I clicked on Africa, than Uganda and before I knew it I was filling out my testimony. I clicked send, closed my laptop, and went to sleep.

Days past and I didn't think much about it. And then I received an e-mail from Lisa Svendsen.

Hey Kathleen! I wanted to introduce myself, I'm Lisa Svendsen and my husband Tony and I
will be leading the trip to Kapchorwa, Uganda next May. We are very excited
to have you joining us! I see that you found out about e3 through I Am
Second, which is wonderful, so I wanted to touch base with you and see if
you had any questions regarding this trip. Obviously, it is still awhile
before we leave, but please contact me if you have any questions at all! Looking forward to getting to know you and serving with you as we proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ in Uganda!

-----WAIT TIME OUT-----
This is the point where I PANIC!! I e-mailed back with something like I thought this was more of an application process...blah blah...insert lame excuse here...thanks for your time. But Lisa would not give up on me. She continued to e-mail me asking how she could pray.

One and a half months later I opened my ears and more importantly my heart to the path that God was calling me to and I accepted my spot on the mission team. I cannot believe that it has now been over 6 months. I leave for Uganda in 11 days. And through these past 6 months God has shown me just how powerful He is. God has continued to mold me.

I had doubts about getting my parents to be okay with the idea. God handled that by laying His hands on their hearts and offering them comfort through other parents and friends and family members. I figured that raising the money for the trip would be a huge challenge. God handled that and provided over $2000 in the first month. I thought that getting all the immunizations I needed would do me in. God handled that and got me through all 8 without a single tear and without a cost to myself. I was sure that preparing for the trip and finishing up my last semester of Junior year would be impossible. God handled that by providing me down time to spend alone with Him and the greatest support from friends and family. This is what God wants me to do and I have never been this certain about anything.

So where do I go from here? I can only continue to pursue Him. I can only continue to pray. I can only continue to let my guard down. I can only continue to be humbled. I can only continue to remember that Christ died for me. I can only continue to rejoice in grace. I can only continue to spread the Good News!! I will mess up. I will fall. I will stumble. And I will with God's supportive hands get back up, brush myself off, sigh and continue on...