Honestly...

For the past month I have been searching for a way to write down everything I am about to attempt to put into words...confused yet? :]

Basically after returning from Uganda things for me were tough.

The first weeks back I guess I was in sort of a culture shock. It was really hard for me to handle people. It sounds so hard to say but it really was. It was hard to listen to people complaining about unimportant things. It was hard to not get the welcome home I in some ways expected. I came home to Rockport and of course my Mom, Dad, and brothers completely welcomed me home and wanted to know every little detail. I went to church with my parents and so many people came up to me not asking about the trip but wanting to know how blessed I felt to be home. I often found myself wanting to scream "I WAS BLESSED WHILE I WAS THERE!!!" I loved everything about Uganda and I felt like these people were saying "good you got THAT out of your system." Well I didn't get THAT out of my system. My extended family hadn't been completely supportive of my trip. It's not that they didn't want me to go but I don't think they understood WHY I HAD TO GO. It wasn't for a vacation or to just get away! God was pulling me to Uganda! I just felt like no one understood me.

I came back to College Station and just got completely swept away by life. I realized that I was behind on a lot of things like GRE tests, PT applications, volunteer hours, etc. I allowed myself to be consumed by this world and it's stress.

And than about one month after I returned from Uganda things got dark. I found myself not reading the Word, not going to church, not talking to anyone about Christ and not praying and talking with God. It was the darkest 2 weeks of my life. When I look back on it now it completely scares me. How after returning from such a humbling and opening trip could I lose sight of everything? I still really do not know but I can tell you it wasn't God pulling and dragging me this time.

After about 2 weeks I literally pulled myself out of bed one morning and went to church. The sermon was on Numbers 11:1-23 and it focused on 4 main reason with have doubt and discouragement. 1. Unrealistic expectations - what I expected when I came home was not what I received 2. Wrong perspective - No one cares about this trip, no one cares about me, it's all about me, AGAIN 3. Isolation from Others - no church, no community, no accountability partners 4. Forgot the Past - forgot about everything I had learned in Uganda like the importance of digging into The Word every day, surrounding myself with fellow believers and telling others about Christ. Basically it was like God grabbing my shoulders and shaking me out of this funk.

Than July 12th came. I received an e-mail from my Grandmother asking me about how I felt about what was going on in Uganda. I quickly got on BBC and read about the terrorist bombing in Kampala. I was sitting at my desk at work and I just cried. My heart literally felt like it was breaking. It was so surreal to me to think that I was in Kampala just months before. I put my head down and prayed for all the people I had met. That night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up listening to The David Crowder Band and Jeff Johnson, praying and talking it out with God. He drew me to Psalm 38 which pretty much summed up everything I was feeling.

All I can say if that I have nothing but praise for our God. He never pulls back from us and always fights for us. So many times we fall short of the grace He gives without condition. I know I'll never be perfect but sometimes I wish I could be closer.

Just a few days ago I had coffee with a dear friend and she just filled me with so much hope and joy. She finds herself in the position I was last October. God is pulling her to Haiti and she scared, but beyond all that she is excited about what God has in store for her. I got to sit down and have an honest conversation with her about how I was feeling and never once did she judge me. She offered prayer and support and love. It was so refreshing.

I know that I have a million things going on in my life but none of that matters without God. And I know that. It's so easy to become side tracked by the things of this world. The best thing about being in Uganda was having 10 days to fully devote myself to Christ by praying, praising and reading scripture. My heart yearns for this kind of intimacy with my Savior and my Father.

Of course now I cannot stop thinking about Uganda. I looked into Doctors Without Borders. Sadly they do not often have positions for physical therapists but I know that God will use me if I stay willing and open. Who knows maybe I'll end up doing medical missions with e3! I wouldn't complain! :]

As usual I am writing from a humbled heart,
Kathleen

"Take my hand to the promise land
And on You I want to stand
‘Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by Your side ‘cause I cannot hide
Lord, I know that I need You
Without You I'm so alone
I am weak but You are strong
You pick me up when I'm falling down
And I am crying
Out to You inside of my heart
I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part
I want You to have my life, Jesus
I fall to my knees
And I'm begging You, please, oh, Lord
Won't You change me
Make me new from the inside out
I want to shout out Your name"

Last Day in Uganda - Shopping, Flight Home

May 23, 2010

Tony led devotional this morning talking about how this trip should continually change out live. It should be more than just an event. We also talked about preparing ourselves for going home and going "back to normal". We all have been shown things we need to change but we can't expect it to happen all at once. But also we shouldn't just become "normal" again. I think it will be hard to not have that close community every morning and throughout the day.

After devo we waited around for quite awhile...Oh Ugandan time :] We went shopping in Jinja for a bit and than got on the bus for Kampala and Entebbe. Traffic was awful because the President of Uganda was visiting. We finally made it to Kampala and ATE PIZZA at Domino's. hahah! Nothing like an American Domino's but great none the less. I never thought I would miss greasy American food so much. We got back on the bus just to get stuck in more traffic. I started getting a little nervous about time but God got us through and to the airport in Entebbe in plenty of time. We wasted the time in traffic by taking pictures of all the ridiculous advertisements and buildings. While in the bus I was definitely feeling ready to be home.

Once we got to the airport we had to say bye to Jen. Super sad to see her go but she is staying 6 more weeks in Uganda!!! I'm so so so excited for her and cannot wait to hear all about it. She is going to be teaching! I can't even imagine what God has in store for her and the kids she is going to meet. We rushed through the airport and than waited. The first flight was easy. I slept on and off for the 8hour flight.

We arrive at Amsterdam around 5am local time. I am currently still waiting for my second flight scheduled to leave at 10:40am. We ate McDonald's at 6:30am...yes, as soon as they opened. I never thought I would find McD's so delicious.

Andrew and I said good-bye to Tony, Lisa, Keith, Allison, Josh and Jason at their gate. We than tried wasting a few hours but there isn't a lot to do in an airport. We explored the shops...played with some random computers, laughed at the overly sized candies bars and than went to Starbucks for coffee. Than I said good-bye to Andrew...headed to my gate, and here I sit.

I am not sure where to start on my reflections for the trip. It was definitely different than expected but God showed me a lot about myself and revealed even more of Himself to me. He's drawn me to a couple of verses this week -->Romans 5:8, John 3:30, 2 Corinthians 5:20-21, Ephesians 2:8 - 10 and a bunch of the Psalms. I've definitely been shown the importance of being in the Word every day but most of all I've learned that "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!" For most of the week I was present but not active. God taught me to be persistent in prayer and that I don't always have to be in control. God uses us in ways that He needs even if they don't match our expectations. 500 souls were saved this week!!! That isn't something that can be done by my words of the words of the team or the nationals, God just uses us as tools. People kept asking for my favorite memory from the trip and honestly I cannot pick one moment. Every time a child grabbed hold of my hand my heart melted. Every profession of faith was just as joyful as the ones previous. Every tent at the survivor camp opened my eyes and humbled me. Every laugh with the team brought me out of my shell and grew me as a person. I can honestly say that I love every member of that team and thank God for the bonds that were formed in such a short time. I cannot even imagine what God has in store for 9 of us. I am definitely going to miss the daily community.

I'm not sure where God is going to take me but I know that I need to stay open to His pull. I still cannot believe how perfect this trip was in terms of time, and money. It definitely proves to me that this trip was God's plan all along and not my own. I do want to look into Doctors without Borders especially if I am still single in 4 years. God has shown me that I can do missions. And He's also put adoption on my heart...which I have always thought about.

I have missed my family and friends a lot though. I think that I will have a new appreciation for a lot of things I probably took for granted before this trip. I cannot wait to see my Dad. I have about 6hours left on this flight at least. I have an almost anxious feeling in my stomach but it's different than the one I had before I left. I was definitely scared. I still cannot believe I actually went through with it, especially without knowing anyone previously. I am hoping that I will be more bold with my faith. It's sad to say but I would be terrified to take an e-cube door-to-door in the states. Our country is supposed to be "Christian" but I know there are tons of people who desperately need Christ. I definitely have a lot to reflect on. I pray that i will not allow this trip to just be an event in my life but rather a step in my journey. Good-bye Uganda! I cannot believe it's over already. Good-byes are always so bittersweet...

May 22, 2010
Moses led devotional this morning using Romans 1: 1 -6, where Paul is explaining how he is a servant of Jesus Christ. In order to be a true servant we must devote every day to the Lord. Very good devo :]

We drove about 2 hours to Alice and Bernard's orphanage/school called New Hope. There are 247 kids there. 48 are "full-time"/ "true" orphans. They welcomed us by singing songs. Every single one was completely adorable. Many lost their parents or entire family to HIV/Aids. I would say the ages ranged from around 3 to 15 years old. Mostly girls. They all just wanted to hold your hand and play with you. I had one girl who attached herself to me the entire time we were there. I think I love her already. :]








We walked around the facility to different classrooms and such. Than we drove to the 26 acres they are looking to buy. They will use the land to expand the facility but also for farm land so they can have their own food and hopefully bring in some income. Just last month they ran out of food but God provided through donations. Keith and Allison's church called The Lift is looking to adopt the orphanage for their world mission. We trekked around the 26 acres through the bush. It was ridiculously hot but super beautiful and made me want to go hiking, haha. Jen managed to slice up her leg pretty good. We plan on taking over-exaggerated photos later this evening to document her battle wounds.




On the drive back we same some more gorgeous landscape including some massive boulders we dubbed "Pride Rock", thank you Lion King. It was a very cool day which definitely further clarified my desire to do something in children's ministry.I really need to look into that for these next 2 semesters at Texas A&M.

We spent the night in Jinja at the same guest house we stayed in the first night in Uganda. It was really awesome to see how close our team has become after only 10 days. We ate at a restaurant called The Gateley. It was located right on Lake Vicotira. The scenery was breathtaking and the FOOOOODDDD was SOO GOOD! I had meat for the first time in like a week. I definitely was starting to feel ready to head home but I definitely love this team. Sleeping was pretty miserable without an A/C after being spoiled at The Rock Classic Hotel in Tororo. The car horns were none stop and than the Muslim call to prayer started around 5am. I cannot believe we head out tomorrow night. These 10 days have just flown by!

Have you ever started something and for some reason that you had finished it when in fact you were not even close to being done??

Well...that's sort of what happened with this blog! :/ BUT I AM BACK!! And I will finish my updates!















May 21, 2010

Lisa led the devotional this morning on prayer and it fit perfectly for the day. We drove about 2 hours through green fields, trees and mountains. The landscape was breathtaking. We arrived at the Baduda Landslide camp and hundreds of people, mostly children, came running out to our bus. There are over 5000 people staying at the camp. Each family was given one tent. It doesn't matter whether the family consisted of 2 people or 20 they stayed in this one tent. They had "bathrooms" that were just closed off sections of the camp. They were not provided with food. Most cooked their food in fire pits they created outside of their tents.







We split up into 5 groups and went out to different parts of the camp. I had never in my life seen anything like this camp. The people had nothing yet they were still so welcoming. The kids were adorable as usual and clung onto us the entire day. I remember telling Lisa that God was the only thing stopping me from just breaking down and crying. I was praying the entire time for strength which He provided. Lisa said it perfectly when she said it was like watching a disaster movie. You never imagine that survivor camps are really like this.











I met a former child soldier today who is now 19 years old. He ran away to the Kenyan mountains to avoid the rebels. He remembered his parents telling him that Kenya was a safe place. He lived in Kenya for years by himself until he heard it was safe to come home. He is now studying at a college in Uganda. He was such a nice young man. He wanted to know all about America and kept saying how nice Americans are. He said that many people from different countries have come to Baduda to help with the landslide but you can always pick out the Americans. First, he said that the women have big calf muscles! HAHAHAHA :]!! Second, he said that Americans are willing to pick up and play with the children. He said they are never afraid to get their hands dirty and to interact with the Ugandans. Sadly, I was surprised to hear such great reviews because often I feel that Americans are really self-absorbed but I'm glad that he has seen the positive side.







Lisa talked to a woman who saved a child that had been left alone at the market when the land slide occurred. I just could not believe how kind and gracious all the people at the camp were. We brought in $1000 worth of flour and barely nicked the surface of need. We did feel all of the 16 survivor families. Through everything that these people had been through many of them just requested prayer. This was remarkable to me because I feel like Americans would want physical items; clothing, money, etc. I really don't know what else to write. It was a mind-blowing day and definitely eye-opening. Tomorrow we are going to the orphanage and saying good-bye to Tororo! :[