Day 35

Today I am struggling with being thankful. I had a terminal lung cancer patient at the hospital, a hectic work day, a lingering head cold and frustrating boy drama. So yes, today I am struggling. I miss my family. I don't want to be in DFW while they are 7 hours away. I don't want to deal with the same old sad story when it comes to guys. I don't want to see what the end of the road could look like for my dad. I just don't want to deal with it today.

Begin angry girl rant:
MEN - Please grow up. I am saying this with all the love of your sister in Christ. Please. Respect and honesty go a long way and maybe I'm old fashioned and delusional but I believe in faithful relationships. I don't think it's too much to ask for you to be a gentlemen, for you to treat us ladies with dignity. To put it more bluntly....grow a pair. Sorry had to be said.
End rant.

Today, Lord, I want to curl up in bed with hot tea and a box of tissues. I want to be mad at you. I want to scream and yell and cry and repeat. I want to blame you for everything. I want to see you as the evil kid with the magnifying glass and myself as the helpless ant. That's what my flesh wants. But my spirit whispers...be still. My spirit whispers...be silent, I am here. I have not abandoned you. Today isn't a good day. It's an off day, but it is a day I have given you. Look for the joy, find the peace and I will comfort you....I have answered your prayers despite your stubbornness.

So I will be thankful. I give thanks for friends that have yet to grow weary of my constant flow of tears. I thank you for how refreshing it feels to cry. And I thank you for where I am in my life. 24. Single and strong. My faith will not falter because it's days like today when I realize that my faith is all I have and all I need , because you Abba are all I have and all I need. And for that, Lord, I am thankful. I will not allow myself to close of from the world. I will not allow the wounds I have obtained over the past 24 years to turn into scar tissue. I will continue to walk on the path illuminated by Your grace. I will be humbled daily. I will be open to hear Your wisdom even when it is the opposite of what I want to hear. I will believe that Your plan is better than mine and that sometimes it takes hardships and struggles and heart break to keep me on track. I will be steadfast in prayer.

DAD UPDATE: Dad goes to his new doctor in Houston tomorrow for an eval and consult. Pray that she would provide resources, knowledge and options. Pray that my Dad would have peace and would continue to fall into the hands of Jesus.

Psalm 46: 10 "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

Psalm 91: 4-7 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you."

Psalm 91: 14-16 "' Because he loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.'"