I hit a wall of emotions today. A mixture of so many things. I don't even know how to express. I am anxious about Dad's surgery, frustrated with my body, overwhelmed by loneliness and overall just sad today. I cried and prayed for about thirty minutes. I needed to feel close to God and to feel vulnerable at His feet. My heart tells me to rest in Christ, to rely on His strength and not my own, to not worry, and to have faith, but it's hard. I want to be the scheduler of my own life. My flesh wants to be in control. But my soul seeks a greater path and a deeper joy that can only be found through the cross and my Savior. So I'll cry today. I'll be renewed because My Father will not abandon me to fear and sadness.
I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk people have hidden a snare for me. Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me. (Psalm 142:1-7 NIV)
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