Day 110

Thankful for productive mornings, free coffee, lunch with an amazing&encouraging friend, lazy evenings, home baked snacks and baseball games!

I am sinner. No really. A deep, dark sinner. I hide my disgraces and flaunt my successes. I praise God's name when I'm walking on the straight and narrow path, and I hide from Him when I give in to sin. Why does God love the sinner? It's unfathomable how many times a day the world sins. How many times a minute do the people of God fail to uphold His calling? How often do we simply give in the the flesh? How many excuses God must hear about why we did it and how we couldn't help it or how it wasn't as bad as last time. Shouldn't He be exhausted? I would be. To think of a friend constantly betraying my trust and love is devastating  It wouldn't be long until I would turn from that person and leave them to their own devices. But not God. He continues to clean up our messes like a diligent house worker. He belittles Himself and comes down to our level to give us understanding and grace that we in no way deserve. And yet I continue on this cycle. I mess up, repent, dust myself off, start to feel good about myself again and then I'm entangled in sin again. I try and fix myself every time. It never works.

Tonight I pray on my knees. Which is different than my normal "prayer position". I was reading about the meaning  behind prayer and why people pray on their knees. Kneeling requires a state of humility. It requires that we recognize our insignificance and give God the true recognition of His superiority. It's the perfect place for confession, repentance and awe. I'd never really considered prayer positions but shouldn't prayer be an act of the entire body? A way to demonstrate the sacrifice of our entirety?  It's an opportunity for me to tune out the world and sit quietly at the feet of Jesus to soak in the grace that He gave through His blood. I am such a weary and burdened sinner, yet I can rise to my feet with a sense of strength because my God will not abandon me to selfishness, pride or self-fulfillment. He is constantly and continually shaping me into being a woman of God. As an old bible study leader used to say, "We are each a block of wood that God continually chips away until we become this intricate being. Look at your hands. It's line, crease and indentation was put their for a reason by a mighty God. It's a time consuming task. It can be painful. Sometimes He takes small slivers other times large chunks but the final creation is a thing of beauty." To God be the glory!